by Dana Miller
Winter 2008

Red, brown, blonde, short or long??? Sounds like any typical woman at her hairdresser trying to decide what to do with her hair.....only I was at a wig shop. Diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma just a few weeks earlier at age 36, my life had been turned upside down. Or so I thought... I "accidentally" found a lump in my breast. Scared, I called my doctor right away. I made my husband go with me but was told that it was nothing to worry about, just fibrocystic changes.

That was great news. We were about three weeks away from closing on our house we were building and I did not need anything else to worry about! However, about a week after getting settled into our new home, the lump was still there and I was still concerned. I returned to my physician who again reassured me that it was nothing to worry about. After much persistence and a few tears, he agreed to send me for a mammogram the next day. I went to the mammogram appointment alone – after all, this lump was "nothing" and I hated to ask Dean to take time away from work just for my piece of mind. I was still breast feeding so the technician warned me that the mammogram may not be as accurate as it normally would. After the mammogram was completed, I was asked to sit in this tiny room about the size of a closet. A few minutes passed and the radiologist and tech walked in (I am still not sure how 3 of us fit in that tiny room) and she told me that she was 98% sure that it was cancer. I honestly thought I was going to pass out. They wanted to do an ultrasound and biopsy right then.

I called Dean and he arrived just as they were getting me ready for the biopsy. Just knowing that he was there with me made me feel so much better. I said a quick prayer that whatever the results may be, that God would be with me each step of the way. That He would give me the strength that I would need to face this battle and give me peace about all the uncertainty that I was about to face. I was officially diagnosed the next day with breast cancer. I was terrified, confused, in a daze......I was 36 years old. I was breast feeding my precious daughter. I could not have breast cancer!!!!

That night, a neighbor introduced me to Michelle Milner; a young breast cancer survivor. Talking to Michelle that night and in the coming days was a God send. Then I find out that Michelle's mom and my parents were from the same tiny town and grew up together. Just hearing those words sent chills down my spine...not too many people are from McKenzie, AL (or are they?). We called upon Community of Christ church to come to our home to administer to me. One of the elders that arrived was also from that same tiny town as my parents and played football at McKenzie High School with my dad way back when. It was then that I began to realize that I was not in this fight alone. God was already with me each step of the way and He was surrounding me with people that R I had a connection with to show me He was in control. I realized that I had not been misdiagnosed the first visit...I was just diagnosed in God's time so that His plan could be in place. It was then that I decided that this whole ordeal was beyond my control. The only thing that I was going to be able to control was my attitude. I had cancer but cancer did not have me. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful baby girl and loving family...this was not just about me anymore. I had to fight this battle for them too. My motto became "Let go and let God".

I did some research and found whom I thought were the "best of the best" in oncology and I elected to go to Birmingham for my treatment. I underwent nine (9) chemotherapy treatments, two (2) surgeries (lumpectomy and mastectomy) and 36 radiation treatments. Yes, I had some rough days in there. I was scared and lonely sometimes. I had horrible insomnia. I would wonder if I was going to survive the chemo. It was in those low moments that I would turn it all back over to God. There I was again, trying to take control. Trying to deal with it all by myself. Cancer is not to be fought alone, you will fail. I had chosen the best doctors I felt I could find but God is the almighty physician. I prayed His will be done. I spent much of my sleepless nights in prayer. I know that He has greater plans for me. Being diagnosed with breast cancer has brought me such pain and such joy at the same time. It has given me a relationship with my God that I never knew existed. It has given me the opportunity to be a witness for Jesus Christ. It has changed my priorities. It has made me a better person. I have met so many wonderful people that I never would have met if I would not have been diagnosed. So no....my life had not been turned upside down, it had been made right again. Jesus can make good come out of bad things if you just open your heart and ask.

My life is so much richer now because He is always with me. God does not say that we will not suffer but that He will be with us through our trials and sufferings. Romans 8:18 also tells us "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." September was a year since I was diagnosed. It has been a tough year but one with many rewards. I now start each day with a prayer of thanks for the many blessings that surround me!! I will never be able to thank everyone enough that supported me throughout my treatments; my husband, daughter, parents, sisters, aunt, cousin, friends....the list goes on. Just knowing that I had my faith in God and such a loving family made each step of this journey tolerable. So whenever you are faced with uncertainty LET GO AND LET GOD and you will always come out a SURVIVOR!!

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